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The male human’s abhorrence of too many pillows is the first of two universal truths we will discuss today. The second? His loathing of wallpaper.
It may seem gutsy of me to characterize these as “universal” truths. In point of fact, I’m sure that some people out there will prove otherwise, but these are most certainly universal truths among my client list. My clients past and present vary in age from early 30’s to early 80’s. When dealing with couples, sometimes he’s the driver, sometimes she is. Oftentimes when she is, she will tell me that anything goes that’s within budget. But I know better. Any partner, even the no-fuss variety, has limits. So when I hear a client tell me that “he won’t care,” I simply raise an eyebrow and think to myself, “yeah right.”
The most important rule in architecture and design is that form follows function. You design a space according to how it should function, not the other way around. But it doesn’t take a degree in architecture to know that too many pillows are annoying. If I want to sit down on the couch to watch TV, or make my bed in the morning and make it to work on time, then I don’t want to have to contend with 12 pillows. Not to mention the fact that maybe the pillows are too expensive to just be chucked on the ground for the dog to chew on…now I have to find a place to put the pillows. In the movie, Reuben does the math and extrapolates that, based on his daily placement of throw pillows on the bed, he wastes a total of 2 days each year. Crazy, right?!
Not so fast. Yes, I agree that too many pillows make no sense, and I am not pro-pillow. However, we are having this conversation because so many people have too many pillows. Why? Pillows are pretty and add texture and personality at almost any price point. They can be layered over time, and there’s no installation fee or commitment. However, just remember that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Sometimes, it’s just too much. Remember that, and you partner will thank you.
Which brings us to our second truth. Men almost always hate patterned wallpaper. What I find fascinating is that all of my male clients, from the young to the old, say that wallpaper reminds them of Grandma’s house. How can 50 years’ worth of men say this? Some of these people ARE the grandmas and grandpas, aren’t they? It makes no sense! While I am against too many pillows, I am not anti wall paper. Moderation and compromise, though, prove the winning combo to wallpaper negotiation. (Note - the exceptions to this rule are the folks who can afford to and do not mind totally overhauling their decor every couple of years.) Pattern on your walls is a big commitment. In a space like a common area where you spend a great deal of time, you have to really love the pattern a lot and know that you won’t get sick of it. AND it can’t be too trendy as to go out of style in the next 18 months (ikat or banana leaves, anyone?), AND it can’t be super expensive (and even inexpensive wallpaper costs more than a can of paint), AND it has to be installed by someone (more money), AND it will have to be uninstalled when you’re finished with it (more money or a very significant amount of elbow grease). That’s a lot to deal with. Somewhere toward the beginning of that sentence, most people (especially the logically-minded) would say, “I’m out.”
When I have couples, and it happens often, when she wants wallpaper and he doesn’t, I always suggest laundry rooms and/or powder rooms. These two rooms are seen by almost all of your guests, but you will not spend prolonged amounts of time in these spaces in one sitting (hopefully). And while in this day and age it’s certainly not unusual for the guy to do the laundry, it’s not a space that he really cares about. If it’s that or the living room, then by all means, put the wallpaper in the laundry room. And when you do want to change it eventually, that’s typically a smaller space that’s much easier to tackle - logistically and financially.
Almost 100% of the time, when I am hired by someone for a project, the scope of the project will broaden and the design will continue to other parts of the house. As recently as last week, we were finishing up a master bedroom/bath that eventually continued into the kitchen and living room. One day the husband said to me, “Well, we did all this work, and now our guests will use the restroom in our awful powder room. We have to fix it.” Most powder rooms are an architect’s afterthought. A glorified closet that gets pieced into the floor plan where possible. At least a coat closet has to be near the front door. The only requirement for a powder room, most of the time, is that it’s downstairs. That said, almost every guest you have over will likely visit the powder room, alone, where they will have quiet time to check out the scenery. Of course you want it to look nice! It’s a small space all its own, which means the design can be completely separate from the rest of the home, and a small budget can go a long way. Because of this, powder room design leans into artistic flamboyance and away from understated utility. Enter wallpaper. It’s perfect for powder rooms! And even as recently as last week, the same man who spoke to me about doing the powder room, who was previously against any and all wallpaper, was on board with a super fun design for that space, and we were able to work in a wallpaper that his wife had long adored. Everybody wins!
Moderation and compromise aren’t the sexiest words in the dictionary, and they sure aren’t the first words that come to mind as you sit and daydream about your future home with your partner. But take it from me, when it comes to throw pillows and wallpaper at least, they are insightful and wise words to remember. With the money you’ll save on marriage counseling, think of all those pillows you can buy…
“Oh, and by the way, I threw away all your little throw pillows. Yea. Cuz throw pillows suck. They serve no purpose. They’re purely decorative.”
– Ben Stiller as Reuben Feffer in Along Came Polly
Caron Woolsey